Tuesday, March 10, 2009

This Day in History

Mark today, March 10, 2009, in your calendars forever. For today we commemorate humanity's struggle for justice, for peace, for liberty. Today we recognize the fight for human dignity. Today we celebrate--for we know, deep down in our very souls, that good will ultimately prevail over evil.

For today, March 10, 2009, is ...

Chuck Norris's 69th birthday!!!

Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris was not born of great means this day sixty-nine years ago in Ryan, Oklahoma. He did not come out of the womb with a silver spoon in his mouth. He did not have a nanny. He did not go to the best schools, drive the best cars, date the best girls. No. His father, Ray, was but a mechanic, a bus and truck driver. His mother, Wilma, a simple homemaker. But what these two, brave souls taught their boy, our "Chuck," were the values of humility, of hard work, of the ability to put one's foot in another human being's ass from time to time--you know, as Toby Keith put it, they taught that boy "The American Way"!

Chuck Norris taught me a lot, too. He taught us all.

The man bridged racial divides! While unable to dispel the myth that white men couldn't jump, he did teach us that one surely could master that freaky Chinaman kung fu shit.

He taught me that good guys do, indeed, wear black (something I desperately needed to know growing up in the suburbs). And, in Good Guys Wear Black, he helped me understand that sometimes the black sidekick indeed has to die in order for justice to truly be served.

In Silent Rage he taught me how to, well, rage silently. That that is sometimes the only way to defeat a bionic murderer who can heal automatically. He reinforced that valuable lesson in Code of Silence. Frankly, I've never been loud since.

He taught me the value of always having a perfectly manicured beard. If I could actually grow a beard, I'd be heeding his sage advice till this day.

He helped me with geometry in The Octagon.

He also taught this once-lonely teenager that it was OK to be alone in A Force of One and Lone Wolf McQuade.

But the most important thing that this paragon of justice, this true American hero, Chuck Norris, taught me, through his Missing in Action movies, was that America never did lose Vietnam. It was those mealy-mouthed American politicians with their Communist Chinese allies who wouldn't let our boys win! My uncle, a Marine who served two tours of duty over htere, could've sworn it was a Viet Cong land mine that blew him into the Mash unit. But no! It was Mao Tse Tung, Henry Kissinger, and Jane Fonda! But thanks to the efforts of Chuck, Sly, and Gene Hackman, we finally did beat those Vietnamese and all our boys got back home safely.

So, today is truly a great day in world history--for it signifies that ...


Hold on.

What? ... Today? ... They did what?

Really? The Chinese?! Today? Are you sure?

No, no. No thanks. I don't like bumper stickers.

But I thought they'd been a monarchy beforehand. I mean, that's not really free, either.

No, no. I understand.

Well, anyway, I've just been informed that today commemorates the 50th anniversary of the Tibetan uprising that led to the Dalai Lama going into exile. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but apparently people are protesting around the world. The BBC apparently has a pictorial spread, sadly commemorating what was supposed to be a glorious day.

1 comment:

The Sailor said...

Hi Bill, we've added you to our link exchange at VidiotSpeak.

Great writing, you write like I want to.

Best regards,