Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Honest Scrap Award

Hey yall, last week, Willis over at Old & N the Way gave me this award! Thanks, Willis. It was great timing on your part. I was going through yet another one of those angst-ridden moments when I was questioning the wisdom of my chosen vocation and the quality of my participation within that vocation. Your incredibly kind words took the whiskey bottle and revolver out of my hands and cheered me right up. So, whatever happens henceforth is all your fault.

Honest Scrap Award Rules

1. You must brag about the award.

2. You must include the name of the blogger who gave you the award and link back to that blogger.

3. You must choose a minimum of seven blogs that you find brilliant in content or design

4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with this award.

5. List at least ten honest things about yourself.

.........then pass it on with the instructions!

Well, I've actually fallen off a bit in roaming the blogosphere since Poohbutt went into daycare and I went into work. And, oddly enough, my little Health Care Stories Project made me even more removed. However, I am taking this prestigious honor seriously and have compiled a list of blogs I like while not repeating my Superior Scribbler Award recipients. And just so you know, just like Willis, I love all the blogs on my blog roll and strongly encourage everyone to visit those hard wukkers as well. Sorry for the brevity ... but I'm late for work.

1. Distributorcap NY I really appreciate his intellect. There's so much snark and sniping on the internet, but D-Cap really gives thought into what he writes. He also has a lot of fun with Photoshop!

2. Black Women, Blow the Trumpet Lisa also makes you put on your thinking cap with her posts. I love people who make me think. I love this blog. I also love the fact that I'm one of the few men allowed to leave comments.

3. Funky 16 Corners You may not know this, but I'm a little bit of a music junkie. And I love me some rare funk and R&B. This is your internet source. I learn a lot here. The ultimate crate diggers!!!

4. O Hell Nawl! Everything about these folks is just wrong! And this blog is oh ... so ... right. They are some crazy negroes. The crazy aunt you hope doesn't get drunk during any family gathering. Here's today's headline: "China wants you to eat a dick." See what I'm sayin'?

5. These Bastards These guys are pretty damned wrong, too. But a lot more political. Their snark is packed full of razors, and they slice in such an hysterical way, I always have to go to their blog for my daily dose. Besides, they, too, love the Penguins!

6. Zaius Nation Not my favorite ape (that honor, of course, goes to Caesar in Conquest of the Planet of the Apes) but definitely one of my favorite blogs. Dr. Zaius is too hysterical for words.

7. The Failed Experiment This is my little brother's blog (he hates it when I call him that). I don't give the man enough credit, but he's really talented and funny. Being 13 years younger than yours truly and way more into pop culture, I don't know about half the stuff he talks about, but I enjoy the blog anyway. He's turning into a really good uncle for our Pooh, and, to be honest, I love the guy. I know, cue Riley: "Ooh, nigga, you gay!"

Now, 10 things about me:

1. After much prodding and pestering from friends, families, and associates, I started this blog having been convinced that it would sell books. I don't think this blog has sold a single copy.

2. I don't know why I listen to people.

3. Buy my books! My Booty Novel for a nice, breezy, funny book about friends, relationships, and starting over in your 30s. Sunshine Patriots if you're into semi-satirical science fiction about how you can never win a war of occupation. Apparently, it also helps if you're a literature professor--as I like to say, "It's a book only a literature professor can love!"

4. I think that last one was my first foray into shameless self-promotion. How did I do?

5. Though I'm a writer, my biggest influences are generally musicians--and I can't play a note. Further evidence that I am indeed wired wrong.

6. All my life I never pictured myself as much of a family man, but I gotta admit, it's pretty much the coolest thing I've ever done.

7. I'm probably the only native-born American you know who has been deported from two countries.

8. I can be moody as hell--but age has definitely mellowed me out.

9. Despite all the 21st century hype, I truly believe that literature is the only "interactive" medium we really have. It's the only form where the audience truly participates and interprets every single moment of their experience.

10. I know it sounds corny, but I feel really fortunate in the people I've been surrounded with throughout my life. Life can be enhanced or diminished by the people around you. I've been lucky enough to have been born into a very supportive and loving family, to have crafted one of my own, and to have befriended some cool-ass fools who have supported me in the worst of times and have provided me with some of the best.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Don't Ruin American Healthcare!

Ahh ... irony.


Dear Lame-Ass Sweed ...

Sorry, Limas. Yeah, I know. You're probably wondering why it has taken me until Tuesday to address your utter incompetence. You're probably thinking, Why not let sleeping dogs lie, Bill?

Well, Lame-Ass, it's simple. I can't let them dogs get their shut-eye. I'm a blogger. I see an injustice, I have to address it!

See, what you glamorous athletes don't understand is that we working stiffs don't understand you. See, Lame-Ass, you get paid a helluva lot of money to actually do very little in life. No, I'm not gonna rant about how you get paid more in six months than teachers make in six lifetimes. We Americans love watching our sports. Advertisers love to reach Americans. They pay for the privilege. And your privileged owners pay you. In fact, your exorbitant salaries make more sense than, say, an insurance company or bank CEO. You actually earn your bonuses.

So yeah, you athletes make a lot of money and do very little. It's just that when you can't even do that, we get really pissed off. And in the grand scheme of even football, you receivers have it sooooo easy. You don't have to wrestle with another 300 lb. behemoth for three hours at a time. You don't have to get whacked by that same behemoth every time you drop back to pass. You don't have take the ball and run straight into a wall of those 300 lb. behemoths hoping that you advance 9 feet at a time. You don't even have the stress of having your entire team and fan base relying on the accuracy of your leg to win or lose a football game.

Nope. You wide receivers have it pretty simple. Unlike all these complicated defensive schemes, your very job description tells you all you have to do in any given game. Receive ... the ... friggin' ... ball!

Sure, it's complicated by having to memorize a route. Oooohhhhh ... and there are defenders. But think about it, Lame-Ass. All you really have to do is run a couple of steps and catch the ball.

As I've said, I'm a working stiff. If someone wanted to pay me $2 million to work eight months out of the year to catch a ball, I'd be the most ball-catchin'est fat fuck you've ever seen in your life! Shit, I'd catch a rifle pass with my tongue for that kinda money. Al Michaels would be gettin' all ghetto on the mic: "Hot damn! That muthafucka Bill Campbell just caught that ball with his gotdamned eyelash!!!"

But no, not you, Lame-Ass. With the game on the line, with your team trying to finally put the game out of reach, with you gliding into the end zone, wide open, and a perfect spiral pass hitting you square in the friggin' numbers! do you catch it? no? do you win the game? no!!! No, Sweed, you decide to drop the damned ball and let the Bungholes beat the Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers.

I know, you're probably thinking I'm being unfair. And perhaps I am. After all, losing is a team effort. And the Steelers at 1-2 are looking a lot like losers right now.

After all, you're not the only one. That abysmal offensive line has more open sores than a leper colony.

(Dear Trai Essex, my brutha alum, my fellow Wildcat, please, please, please start representing the fine tradition of Northwestern football that has been gleaming with mediocrity since 1995! show these people what it means to be the perennial runners-up in the Anusol Suppository Bowl, show them the formidable team that holds the longest losing streak in Division I-A football history and the proud holders of the worst bowl loss ... oh, wait, what was that? You are ... well, then, that makes sense. Rock on, Brother Man!)

Now, where was I? Oh yeah ...

Willie Parker has been gimpy for the past couple seasons still recovering from his broken leg. Your fellow Class of '07 teammate, Rashard Mendenhall, can't figure out if he wants to play football or tiddlywinks. Santonio Holmes (as my co-worker, B., has pointed out) has decided that he'll be the Robert Horry of the NFL and only perform during the playoffs and figures it's better to cause an interception and have it run back for a touchdown than to run a proper route. Big Ben and Heath Miller need to spend some alone time in a hotel room to stop their on-again/off-again relationship. And Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians has confused American football with its European counterpart and thinks that a 13-goal lead is most definitely a blow-out.

Yo! Bruce! They're called points, asshole! You get 3 for a field goal and 6 for a touchdown! Do the math!!! How the hell can you even imagine that a 13-point lead will hold with 45 friggin' minutes left to play?!!! There's no such thing as prevent offense (thanks for that one, D). Score some friggin' points!!!

So, no, Lame-Ass, I don't just blame you. And I don't blame the defense either. They only gave up 17 points. They did their job. Yeah, they gave up the last-minute game-winning drive. But what do you expect when the defense, because of offensive incompetence, was forced to stay on the field for the last 60 minutes of the football game.

But, unlike you, the defense won us a Super Bowl last year. What did you do last year? Oh yeah, drop a couple sure-touchdown passes. What have you done so far this year? Oh yeah, drop a sure-touchdown pass. Keep it up, loser. Mine is not the only wrath you are facing. Rumor has it Mike Tomlin can't even crack a smile after an orgasm. How can you possibly think he's happy with your sorry-ass performance? How can you possibly think you'll have a job next year--especially with your back-up having a 100-yard receiving day?

But I'll get over it. You'll be gone next year. And when I see you a year from now, I'll be doing two things: smiling grandly at your new uniform and saying, "Yes, I would like fries with that."



Saturday, September 26, 2009

Poohbutt Wilberforce on the Eating of Morning Cereal

This morning yours truly was oh-so-pleasantly reminded of the challenges of raising a precocious toddler who has not yet even reached two years of age. As you will soon be able to tell, we have grown way past the temper tantrum and screamings of "I don't want!"

"Pooh, would you like some cereal for breakfast."

"When I consider the magnitude of the subject which I am to bring before this House—a subject, in which the interests, not of this household, nor of Maryland alone, but of the whole world, and of posterity, are involved: and when I think, at the same time, on the weakness of the advocate who has undertaken this great cause—when these reflections press upon my mind, it is impossible for me not to feel both terrified and concerned at my own inadequacy to such a task."

"Baby, we're just talking about cereal here."

"Well, Father, when I reflect on the encouragement which I have had, through the whole course of a long and laborious examination of this question, and how much candor I have experienced, and how conviction has increased within my own mind, in proportion as I have advanced in my labors—-"

"Cheerios, baby. You like Cheerios."

"--when I reflect, especially, that however averse any gentleman may now be, yet we shall all be of one opinion in the end;—when I turn myself to these thoughts, I take courage—-"

"Well, uh, that's good to know."

"I determine to forget all my other fears, and I march forward with a firmer step in the full assurance that my cause will bear me out, and that I shall be able to justify upon the clearest principles, every resolution in my hand, the avowed end of which is, the total abolition of high fructose corn syrup."

"I don't know how you're gonna do that, Pooh. It's in everything."

"I wish exceedingly, in the outset, to guard both myself and this house from entering into the subject with any sort of passion. It is not your passions I shall appeal to—-"

"Well, I don't like the stuff, either. But it is in everything."

"I ask only for your cool and impartial reason; and I wish not to take you by surprise--"

"You have."

"--but to deliberate, point by point, upon every part of this question. I mean not to accuse any one, but to take the shame upon myself, in common, indeed, with the whole United States of America, for having suffered this horrid trade on chemically-produced sugar substitutes to be carried on under their authority.

"We are all guilty—we ought all to plead guilty, and not to exculpate ourselves by throwing the blame on others; and I therefore deprecate every kind of reflection against the various descriptions of people who are more immediately involved in this wretched business."

"Well, I have heard it contains mercury. I guess that can't be good, right?"

"Having now disposed of the first part of this subject, I must speak of the transit of the slaves in the West Indies and the ruination of black youth via the destructive commercialization of agricultural products and foodstuffs."

"Slavery and 'foodstuffs,' Pooh? I don't get it."

"This I confess, in my own opinion, is the most wretched part of the whole subject."

"Well, yeah. I guess it would be."

"So much misery condensed in so little room, is more than the human imagination had ever before conceived. I will not accuse Big Agra: I will allow them, nay, I will believe them to be men of humanity; and I will therefore believe, if it were not for the enormous magnitude and extent of the evil which distracts their attention from individual cases, and makes them think generally, and therefore less feelingly on the subject, they would never have persisted in the trade."

"I'm sure they'll be relieved to hear that. Would you like bacon and eggs instead?"

"I verily believe therefore, if the wretchedness of any one of the many hundred Negroes stowed in each housing project could be brought before their view, and remain within the sight of the Agricultural Merchant, that there is no one among them whose heart would bear it.

"Let any one imagine to himself 6 or 7,000 of these wretches chained to one's baby mama, surrounded with every object that is nauseous and disgusting, diseased, and struggling under every kind of wretchedness--forced to eat Cap'n Crunch! Boo Berry! while drinking grape Kool-Aid! Growing fatter by the day!

"How can we bear to think of such a scene as this? One would think it had been determined to heap upon them all the varieties of bodily pain, for the purpose of blunting the feelings of the mind; and yet, in this very point (to show the power of human prejudice) the situation of the slaves has been described by Mr. Blythe, one of the lobbyists for the Agricultural Council of California, in a manner which, I am sure will convince this house--"

"You can still call me 'Daddy,' you know?"

"--how interest can draw a film across the eyes, so thick, that total blindness could do no more; and how it is our duty therefore to trust not to the reasonings of interested men, or to their way of colouring a transaction."

"I guess that's why they're milking this whole swine flu thing, hunh? How about crackers, Pooh? You love crackers!"

"Mr. Blythe says, 'Their apartments are fitted up as much for their advantage as circumstances will admit. The right ankle of one, indeed is connected with the flat-screen television as they devour nutritious Doritos and play their Nintendo Wiis. They have several meals a day; some of their own country provisions, with the best artificial flavorings money can buy; and by way of variety, another meal of microwave popcorn, &c. according to American taste.

'After breakfast they have water to wash themselves, while their apartments are perfumed with frankincense and lime-juice. Before dinner, they are amused after the manner of their country, the Cartoon Network. The song and dance are promoted by T.I. and Beyonce,' and, as if the whole was really a scene of pleasure and dissipation it is added, that games of chance are furnished.

'The men play tonk and rap, while the women and girls make fanciful ornaments with beads, which they are plentifully supplied with.'

"Such is the sort of strain in which the Big Agra lobbyists, and particularly Mr. Blythe, gave evidence before the House of Representatives. What will the House think when, by the concurring testimony of other witnesses, the true history is laid open.

"The modern-day slaves who are sometimes described as rejoicing at their captivity, are so wrung with misery at having to watch Tyler Perry, that it is the constant practice to supply them with heroine, lest they should be sensible of their lack of gainful employment. The microwave popcorn which Mr. Blythe talks of is not even Orville Reddenbacher--but generic!"

"Come on--I don't see--I mean, it's just cereal, baby."

"Mr. Blythe talks of frankincense and lime juice--"

"OK, look, don't tell Mommy. We'll have pizza instead."


-- "Excerpted" from William Wilberforce's 1789 Abolition Speech before the House of Commons. What can I say? The girl knows her history.


Soul Sista Saturday: LaBelle

No explanation needed.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Congressional Prostitution: Mike Ross Will Screw Us All for Money

As we've noted before on Tome, this sexy bitch was acting way too suspicious to not be on the stroll for the "health care" industry. He's just been far too willing to go against the wishes of his party and his own district and blue ball the public option to not be bending over for somebody powerful. And witnesses have sworn that the last time he spoke on the floor of Congress, he screamed something along the lines ... "You can do anything! Tie me up! Whip me! Fist me if you want! Just don't kiss me on the mouth!!!"

And what is behind this virulent anti-public option fetish? Well, it ain't all cock rings and feather dusters, people. Nope, according to Politico, the money shot is a land deal that only an Arkansas politician could pull off:

Ross sold Holly’s Health Mart in Prescott, Ark., to USA Drug for $420,000 — an eye-popping price for real estate in a tiny train and lumber town about 100 miles southwest of Little Rock.

“You can buy half the town for $420,000,” said Adam Guthrie, chairman of the county Board of Equalization and the only licensed real estate appraiser in Prescott.

But the $420,000 that USA Drug paid for the pharmacy’s building and land was just the beginning of what Ross and his wife, Holly, made from the sale of Holly’s Health Mart. USA Drug owner Stephen L. LaFrance Sr. also paid the Rosses $500,000 to $1 million for the pharmacy’s assets and paid Holly Ross an additional $100,000 to $250,000 for signing a noncompete agreement. Those numbers, which Mike Ross listed on the financial disclosure reports he files as a member of Congress, bring the total value of the transaction to between $1 million and $1.67 million.

And that’s not counting the $2,300 campaign contribution Ross received from LaFrance two weeks after the sale closed.

Now, don't get it twisted. It's not as though Mike Ross is the only whore in this here Babylon. Damn near all of them are swishing around in their ass-less chaps, singing, "Easy access, baby!" He just knows how to work his pimp for the biggest cut!


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Happy Birthday, Babe!!!

Mrs. Unknown turns 21 again today and doesn't look a day over 19.

Ain't I the luckiest guy on the planet?


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

America: Too Weak for War?

As Gen. McChrystal threatens the nation with the "need" for more troops in Afghanistan, The Big Brother says he's "skeptical," and the liberals in Congress threaten to block any troop increase, I have one question I keep asking myself: Is American too weak for war?

I'm not talking militarily or financially. I'm not about to deliver some right-wing rant about peace-lovin' pussy liberals who hate America. Nor is this some longing for a fantasy time when America had to resolve to "get the job done" no matter the cost. I'm just wondering if we Americans are at a point in our history when we're no longer willing to conduct long military campaigns.

It's not as though Americans hate war. We're generally split down the middle before any military venture. But, as soon as the shock starts aweing, we pretty much follow the flawed "support the troops--not the war" logic into supporting our wars. The war-time President and the President's war are strongly supported time and time again. It's just how we do.

But, as time goes on, support inevitably wanes. The flagging support for Afghanistan and Iraq are no surprise, really. The same thing happened with Vietnam and Korea. Even our two most "just" wars--the Civil and World 2--suffered what would've been called "sagging poll numbers" after they dragged on year after year.

See, we Americans love our John Wayne wars--over in less than two hours--where the bad guys are evil and folks die stoically with very little blood--and nobody comes home permanently maimed to remind us of the sacrifice most of us really aren't willing to make (including, not-so-ironically, John Wayne, who refused to serve in WWII but made some classic WWII movies, instead).

The Duke refused to sign up for WWII
because his movie career was finally
taking off--but excoriated Vietnam War
draft dodgers

So, as I said, lagging support for Iraq (over six years now) and Afghanistan (going on nine) is absolutely no surprise. And yet, in terms of "blood and treasure," their unpopularity is a bit surprising. Not to diminish any life lost, but the Civil War saw some battles where over 10,000 bodies were left on the field; WWII saw something like 200 casualties a day; and Vietnam, 200 a week. In comparison, the 4,300 dead in Iraq and 800 in Afghanistan are quite light.

I've often heard it said that America has always been a "reluctant empire." But that's simply not true. Even before we became a country, Britain had its hands full trying to curb the Americans' appetite for land only to get another war with the French and a revolution for their troubles.

If I remember correctly, some of our forefathers thought the American experiment should have included all of North America including Cuba. One of the main reasons for the War of 1812 was our settling into the Northwest Territories and fighting the Indians there. And the Canadians and the British at the time thought we started the war in order to annex Canada. We were willing to buy land peaceably from Britain and France and to buy it at gunpoint from Mexico to make the US a continental power.

And, once we had all that land, we were willing to consolidate our gains by "any means necessary." Just like the Brits, we had no chivalric qualms with taking a Gatling gun to our technologically disadvantaged foes and open it up on warriors with spears, bows, arrows, and/or hatchets. And were more than fine with taking it to an unarmed village or two and kill women and children. All in the name of making America the "great country" it was meant to be.

Massacre at Wounded Knee, South Dakota--1890

But it's not as though we were alone in this. These were the times of "manifest destiny" and the "white man's burden." Sure, our European overlords spoke grandly of "honor" and "duty"--probably with a tear in their eyes--and many men died for those concepts. But when push came to shove, whitey would fuck shit up.

So, when the Phillipines revolted against American rule in 1899, Uncle Sam had no problem with slaughtering every Filipino over 10 [the cartoon above] he could find until the population was subdued. It wasn't like they were committing "crimes against humanity" or being particularly barbarous. They were doing exactly what their British, French, Belgian, and Dutch compatriots were doing all around the globe.

(However, with the Spaniards' invention of the concentration camp in Cuba in the 1896 and the first Armenian massacres in 1895, human rights were starting to become a concern in the international community.)

Even during WWII, America and Americans were willing to be as brutal as it took to achieve victory. Yes, there was the firebombing at Dresden and the A-bombs dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima--but Japan also underwent firebombing campaigns before Fat Man and Little Boy. In fact, the US high command, knowing that the Japanese lived in wood-and-paper dwellings, ordered napalm to be dropped on Tokyo. In three hours of bombing, American bombers killed over 100,000 Japanese. As Robert McNamara said in The Fog of War: "We were all war criminals."

With that statement, McNamara hit upon the key difference between the 19th and early 20th century and what we feel today: in light of Hitler and the Holocaust, the West has taken the notions of "war crimes" and "crimes against humanity" to heart.

The world can be a barbarous place, and, to be an empire, one must be more brutal than the next Hun. Yes, we still believe in the notions of honor and bravery. We Americans love to believe that we are spreading peace and freedom and democracy as we kill those pesky native populations who don't seem to appreciate the gifts are guns are giving them.

But, in a highly-mediated world, where pictures and broadcasts of our victims can be beamed across the planet in the blink of an eye, it becomes harder and harder to hold onto these high falutin' notions. We never saw the Filipinos we killed nor the Haitians nor Nicaraguans during our 20-year occupations of those countries. We never caught a glimpse of the 100,000 Japanese we killed in 180 minutes. It was easy to believe we were being right and just back then. But seeing tiny villages napalmed and a scalded Vietnamese girl screaming naked down the road was one of the images that made us question our mission in Southeast Asia. Now, some 40 years later, our hearing of accidentally bombing a wedding party in search of Taliban makes us wonder what the hell's the point in our being in Afghanistan.

After WWII, Western Europe basically gave up on the idea of empire. The British whipped a little Gikuyu ass but still gave up Kenya. The French tortured all day long in Algeria and still lost the war. The Europeans still had the technological edge over their colonies. But those same colonies were no longer afraid of them and were willing to fight while the Europeans simply no longer had the stomach to actually use their edge to slaughter their subjects into submission. They couldn't very well nuke Rhodesia, and even that was no guarantee they would win in the end.

With the Cold War, we Americans were willing to play at empire along with the Soviets. But we didn't really have what it took to actually maintain one. We simply petered out in Korea and Vietnam, and we ran with our tails between our legs out of Lebanon. In fact, in the last 60 years, unless our victories can be quick and "clean" (like in Panama, the first Gulf War, and Grenada), we've proven we don't want to be in it for the long haul.

Marine barracks bombing--Lebanon, 1983

Our leaders don't realize that our notions of "honor" and "duty" have been diminished over the years. We still talk a good game about them, but we really don't mean it. That's why, even after 9/11, our leaders decided to extol the virtues of a "professional military" because they knew we wouldn't tolerate an actual draft to fight their "war on terror"--even if it meant exacting revenge on Osama bin Laden.

In truth, maybe only military personnel and their families still believe in honor and duty. We know that a lot of our leaders who wrap themselves in the flags, trumpeting those concepts, didn't even fight crotch rot when it was their turn to go to Vietnam. Nope, they stayed home. Most of them don't even let their sons and daughters fight this "war on terror" today. Their lives, their children's lives, are just too precious to be lost for such antiquated notions. That's why a flaming liberal with working class roots like me has had more military in my family (from grandpa in WWII to an uncle in Vietnam and a half-brother in Iraq and everything in between) than most of them have. Our nation, as a whole, from top to bottom, from left to right, just is not willing to sacrifice what it takes to be an empire and to execute an empire's wars.

That's why we never did have a serious discussion about a draft. That's why we never really debated what this "war on terror" actually meant and what it would cost to wage it. That's why we borrowed money from China and actually cut taxes during war time. That's why Osama is still out there with a robust recording career. Why Obama walked into office with two wars going on without an end in sight. And why General McChrystal, without a real strategy of his own for Afghanistan, is begging for more troops.

Whatever their resultant strategy (which should really just be "Get bin Laden and Get the Hell Out!"), our military and political leadership should look at our two latest military adventures and all the post-WWII conflicts leading up to them and realize that we Americans, despite our bluster, are not just a "reluctant empire." We don't really want to be an empire at all. We don't want to force-march the Cherokee of their land. We don't want to mow down 10-year-old Filipinos. We don't want to enslave, ethnically cleanse, or napalm 100,000 people. And most importantly, we don't want to die or have our children die in the process.

Let's face it: We Americans are just too damned weak for war.

Victims of the Tokyo firebombing, 1945

[Author's Note: To all you patriotic, pro-war prosyletizers who may object to this editorial,

The draft ages for WWI and WWII were 18-45. If you were between those ages and did not sign up for either Afghanistan and/or Iraq, you pretty much prove my point--unless, of course, you already served. For those of you who did, I salute you and admire you for standing up for your principles. Please keep your head down and look out for my "little" brother.


Will Ferrell & Co: Something Terrible Is Happening!

Here you go, people! Another health care ad you can believe in!


Saturday, September 19, 2009

Chris Wallace Goes All N.W.A.

You remember the NWA classic, "A Bitch Is a Bitch"? Well, I doubt Chris Wallace does, but he sure sounds like one whining about how Obama's skipping him on his Sunday talk show circuit.

Hm ... I wonder why Obama would want to skip Fox ...

Speaking of bitch which, funny how Beck keeps claiming that almost 2 million people showed up at the DC teabagging protest last weekend ...

... and yet his own Fox cohorts say there were only 70,000.

As with most things Fox spews ... something just don't add up here.


A Little Turkish Funk with Your Coffee


Friday, September 18, 2009

An American Moment

I bum a cigarette from my "white boy rapper" co-worker and go down to the parking lot. I see the Puerto Rican building manager and parking lot attendant poring over a magazine. The German woman who works at the bakery rushes over and tells them that she'll move her car. She does. But the Jewish woman who owns the building and the lot yell at the Puerto Ricans because the Nigerian Wolof bakery manager's truck is still blocking the parking lot's back entrance. She walks off and then turns, looks down, and screws her face up in disgust. The Middle Eastern Domino's driver has thrown his prayer rug behind his pick up truck and is prostrating himself to Mecca. All the while, my Togoan co-worker is chatting on his cell phone, sitting in his Vietnamese manager's minivan. I pull on my cigarette, thinking of that Kenyan President of ours, and my Jamerican ass suddenly thinks, "We gotta take our country back!"

I'm gonna go join a Tea Party as soon as I'm done posting this.

Sen. Rockefeller: "An Alternative to the Public Option Does Not Exist"

Jay Rockefeller, an obvious enemy! of capitalism, refuses to shovel Max Baucus's shit, and is out hot-and-heavy against Baucus's crap plan--the opening salvo to sinking that watery boatload of one-sided "compromise" diarrhea, one can only hope.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Oh, Yay--Yet Another Sassy Black Woman

I'll admit, I don't watch a lot of TV. In fact, with the new digitization of the networks, the Cable-less Campbell Clan actually only gets NBC and Fox. So, I don't know too much about what this new television season has to offer. All I know is that I've only seen two new black female faces so far. Both overweight, both overbearing, and both sassy! as only a overweight, overbearing black woman can be.

Yvette Nicole Brown here tonight in Community was all quiet, calm, and demure, until she went all psycho and told the white girl that she'd punch her head through a jukebox.

In the pilot episode of Glee, sassy black teen, Amber Riley (named "Mercedes Jones" on the show--and why not?) saucily rolled her neck and snapped her fingers, defiantly declaring that she was a star and was not going to be shuffled off to the side as just some back-up singer--only to be shuffled off to the side as just some back-up singer, of course.

Now, I'm not trying to get all deep with it tonight. It's been a long day, and the kid's suddenly decided she's an insomniac like Daddy. So, I'm not going to give this subject the space it deserves. It's just that when it comes to minorities, if it ain't one stereotype, it's the other. If it ain't the shifty, slanty-eyed Nip, who'll stab you in the back first chance he gets, it's the cold, mechanical, overachieving Asian-American who doesn't know how ... to ... FEEL!!! We can go on and on.

I'm only wondering, can't we finally be done with the overbearing, overweight, sassy black woman? Now, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies, but hasn't Hollywood spent enough time dehumanizing, desexualizing, and demonizing our sisters? Can't yall just move on to something else?

Why not the hot-blooded Latina? You've never explored that one.



A Picture for Poohbutt

Soon to turn two, Pooh (who pointed at "My Daddy" last night, and declared, "Mess") now has a favorite stuffed animal: a two-foot, big-ole penguin named "El Sid." After his disastrous Stanley Cup finals, I tried to persuade her to change it to "Geno," but she would have none of that. Nope, now she and El Sid nap together and have breakfast together. Of course, I love it--the Pittsburgh sports indoctrination going smoothly as planned.

Being a creature of DC, Pooh also has a favorite politician:


(And, yes, the exclamation points must be included.

So, I thought little Pooh would enjoy this photo while surfing the net today at daycare.

Here ya go, kid.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: James Harrison was a no-show at this White House event as well.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

My BS NFL Predictions

Look, I'm not gonna act like I actually know what I'm talking about here. I'm not even gonna pretend that I've studied the subject at any length. I even winged it for my fantasy draft this year. But remember last year I predicted the Stillers were gonna make it to the Super Bowl in November. That makes me better than half the prognosticators who actually get paid to do this crap. Besides, I just thought this little exercise would be fun.


The 2Gs are all about the AFC (who has won seven of the last 10 Super Bowls). The last few years, you could just assume that the winner of the AFC title would win the Lombardi (though I prayed and prayed the Giants were gonna beat the Pats--THANK YOU, JESUS!!!). I still think the AFC has the edge this year; but the NFC is getting tougher, and I don't think you can assume they'll be taking home the trophy.

NFC East
Living in an NFC East town and having married into an NFC East family, I have to hear every year how the NFC East is the "toughest division in the league." And yet they've only won one Super Bowl in the last decade. Hmmmm ...

1. Philadelphia Eages

OK, McNabb broke a rib on Sunday, but isn't this the same guy who threw for, like, 5,000 yards one game on a friggin' broken ankle? The NFL has some good-ass drugs, and McNabb knows how to use 'em. You gotta figure he'll be back soon enough.

Aside from that, you gotta think that the Eagles are the team to beat in the NFC. Their defense is always hard-ass, and McNabb always figures out how to win even though he's only had one season with someone to throw to. If Westbrook stays healthy and the Eagles use Vick in a Kordell Stewart-"Slash" style, I can't see who can stop these fools in the NFC.

2. New York Giants

Well, the Giants could. Talk about a monster D.

If Plexiglas hadn't shot himself, the G-Men probably would've repeated last year. But, without Plex, Eli Manning looked more like Eli DeBerg. They need someone to stretch the field, or you can forget about a passing game (yeah, yeah, they did well against the Skins--but it was the Skins). And you can definitely forget about another SB run.

3. Dallas Cowboys

I thought the Cowpokeds were finally going to suck their way back into football obscurity this season--giant TV monitors, and all--and I'd finally get a few seasons' reprieve from the undeserved, overrated hype we all suffer come football season. Then the Romo acted quite Retero in Tampa Bay. The Bucs got problems of their own, but they've allowed the Cowgirl hype to continue a week longer than it should've. But, in all honesty, they're good enough to make games interesting and to stay outta the basement.

4. Washington Redskins

Danielle Snyder's Foreskins always win the Super Bowl in April, and the Washington media's so delusional, you could've sworn they won it all back in February. Then folks wake up to almost realize DC's darlings sucked yet again. This year, Danielle opened the purse strings to overpay for Albert Haynesworth. The midge never learns--Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith, Marty Schottenheimer, Steve Spurrier, Cornelius Griffin, Shawn Springs, David Patten, Brandon Lloyd, Antwan Randle El, Andre Carter, London Fletcher, Jason Taylor, DeAngelo Hall. But how can I feel any sympathy for such a horrible prick and a team with such a horrible name?

NFC South

I don't know about the toughest division, but I'm thinking the NFC South could be the funnest. There's a whole lotta offense here. Steve Smith, Drew Brees, Cadillac Williams, Tony Gonzalez, DeAngelo Williams, Reggie bush, Marques Colston, Kellen Winslow, Jr. Get ready for some shoot-outs.

1. Carolina Panthers

I know Jake stunk up the joint against the Eagles on Sunday and nobody ever seems to believe in him. But the man's got spunk, and that's what this league--and porn--is made out of. Besides, all he has to do is throw the ball in the air, and Steve Smith will come down with it. Their defense sucks (obviously!), but whose doesn't in this division?

2. Atlanta Falcons

Teams that surprise one season usually disappoint the next. I'm thinking the same thing will happen to the Dirty Birds this year. Besides, they're so used to disappointing I can't see their shedding that yoke any time soon. I just can't figure out how Tony Gonzalez, who insisted on being traded to a team with a chance to win, decided the ATL was the place to be.

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I think they're gonna be one of this year's surprise teams. They've got so many guys who were supposed to be studs--Leftwich, Winslow, Cadillac, Antonio Bryant--I'm thinking something might just click. The defense is young and inexperienced and got lit up by Dallas--but they hung tough for most of the game. That's much better than what New Orleans has got, and that's what will keep them out of the basement.

4. New Orleans Saints

Apparently, Drew Brees still has a chip on his shoulder for getting dissed by San Diego. The Saints' O is absolutely brilliant, but their D is an absolute zero. Don't expect to see them post that number on any scoreboard this year.

NFC North

If it weren't for the Lyin's, I'd say this was a pretty tough division.

1. Chicago Bears

Ironic, ain't it? All those years, the Bears have had some pretty decent receivers just praying that Terriblasaurus Rex could manage to get the ball to them. Now, they have Jay Cutler and no one to throw it to.

Though they won't do it this week against the Stillers, you gotta think the Bears will rebound from their disappointing loss to Green Bay. Even without Urlacher, they've got the defense to do the job. Matt Forte looks like a true stud. The problem is who the hell is Cutler going to throw to? Devin Hester can certainly burn 'em, but he still needs to learn how to catch the ball. Otherwise, look for Desmond Clark or Gregg Olsen to become Pro Bowl tight ends.

2. Minnesota Vikings

I know that a lot of folks are riding the Purple jock this year. They're saying they haven't been this talented in years. Yes, Adrian Peterson is God--and apparently the object of many homoerotic sports desires in his "NFL Fantasy" ad. It's just that Brett Favre was a huge mistake. The problem is Brett Favre thinks he's still Brett Favre. He ain't. He's old. Even if all he does is hand it off to Peterson 4 out of 5 times. That fifth time, he'll gunsling and shoot himself in the foot. Then he'll wear down and drag his team and their hopes down with him. But he won't do that until the playoffs.

3. Green Bay Packers

With Dom Capers heading up the defense, I think the Pack's gonna be pretty tough this year. And the longer Favre sticks around, the more I root for Aaron Rodgers. But you gotta think they're years away.

4. Detroit Lions

Insert your own joke here. All I got to say is Matt Millen.

NFC West

Has an uglier division ever been created in all of professional sports? Seriously, I'd rather watch the Senior Circuit Shuffle Board Championships than watching this atrocious ship of fools go down yet again.

Well, every year it's like flipping a coin to see who will go 8-8 and win this one. So, here's what my quarter says.

1. Seattle Seahawks

Sure. Why not? Hasselback is supposedly finally healthy, and he's got T.J. Houshmandzadeh to throw to. I'm not a Julius Jones believer, but he's good enough. After all, we're only looking for 8-8 here.

2. San Francisco 49ers

I think Mike Singletary has lit a fire under their asses. No, nobody's gonna confuse Hill-to-Bruce for Montana-to-Rice, but I think they're on their way to surprising more than a few haters.

3. Arizona Cardinals

Ahh ... I remember, back in the day, when my granddaddy used to sit me on his knee and regale me with tales of the legendary shoot outs between Slingin' Sammy Baugh and Kurt Warner ...

I think this is the year that Arizona finally decides if Matt Leinart is the future of the organization or not.

4. St. Louis Rams

Marc Bulger has always struck me as the Steve Gutenberg of the NFL: I just can't figure out how a guy who looks like he's supposed to be cleaning my teeth ended up being a multimillion-dollar star. Well, it looks like Bulger and the Rams have entered the Police Academy V phase of their careers.


I think their dominance may finally be on the decline, but the AFC still owns the best football in town.

AFC East

This may actually be the toughest division this year. If not, they'll still win for the most boring uniforms in the league.

1. New England Patriots

There are two things Tom Brady does best: father illegitimate children and win football games. So, close your legs and open your eyes! 'Cause the Brady Bunch is back!

You saw it Monday night. Whether it's talent, luck, or hoodoo, Brady knows how end the day with a W. New England's gonna continue to piss me off this year. The defense is a shambles, though. Rodney Harrison, Tedy Bruschi, and Richard Seymour are all gone. Their games are all gonna be shoot outs, and Brady will win more than he loses. The problem with shoot outs, though, is that always end up mortally wounded. That will happen to the Pats in the playoffs.

2. Miami Dolphins

Running and defense. That's what wins football games, right? And the Dolphins have those in spades. Sure, Chad Pennington ain't Dan Marino. But Danny Boy never had a running back. Chad's got, like, 30 of 'em. But he really needs a receiver.

3. Buffalo Bills

Trent Edwards has got two of 'em. Lee Evans and T.O. I know T.O. didn't do much Monday night, but his very presence is gonna open the field up for Edwards to have a field day every Sunday. If Marshawn Lynch is healthy, don't be surprised if the Bills surpass the Dolphins and squeak into the playoffs this year. They'll at least be fun to watch.

4. New York Jets

I'm thinking Rex Ryan's defense will be fun to watch, too. And Mark Sanchez didn't do too badly in his NFL debut. But the Jets are one of those teams that never seem to go anywhere. This year should be no different. I don't know how their fans do it. I guess they TiVo Giants games on the sly.

AFC Central

For a minute there, a couple years back, I thought this was going to be the dominant division in football for years to come. I guess that's why I don't get paid to do this mess.

1. Tennessee Titans

They definitely missed Haynesworth on Thursday as they allowed Big Ben to pluck them like a Thanksgiving turkey. But what can you do when Danielle wants to open the vault to buy your player?

The defense still looks pretty hard-ass, though. The running game still plays smash-mouth. Last year, the Titans lacked anyone to actually catch the ball. Gage and Britt look much improved, but they're still unimpressive. And, with the Alcoholic Racist still at QB, the Titans are doomed to fall short again this year.

2. Indianapolis Colts

The '90s had the Atlanta Braves. The 2Gs have the Colts. All that talent, all that potential, and only one Super Bowl ring to show for it all. Yes, it's exponentially more rings than the '90s Bills got, but still, what a wasted opportunity.

Well, that era's now over. They'll still be pretty decent this year, and Peyton will still make pretty cute commercials; but you gotta think the Reign of the Colts pulled up fairly lame.

3. Houston Texans

Beckett should've named it Waiting for the Texans. At the end of every year, they look like they're gonna do something next year. But guess what, Vladimir and Estragon? Yep. Next year never comes. With Schaub, Slaton, Andre Johnson, and Mario Williams, one wants to be optimistic about the Texans' chances this year, but history should tell you different.

Estragon: Didi?
Vladimir: Yes.
Estragon: I can't go on like this.
Vladimir: That's what you think.
Estragon: If we parted? It might be better for us.
Vladimir: We'll hang ourselves tomorrow. Unless Matt Schaub throws for 350 yards and 4 touchdowns.
Estragon: And if he throws for 350 yards and 4 touchdowns?
Vladimir: We'll be saved.

4. Jacksonville Jaquars

It seems like the NFL is overrun with halfway decent receivers. It makes me wonder how the Jags haven't been able to snag at least one of 'em. It's a shame because, at one point, it seemed like they could've been a contender. I think that window's closed on the Jags, though. Maurice Jones-Drew's arms are just too short to box with the NFL. I can't see him carrying the Jaguars to the Promised Land.

AFC North

Being a born-and-bred Stillers fan, I'd like to think the AFC North is the toughest division in the league. But I'm still on my meds. So, I can't. We just have the two toughest teams in the NFL--and two of the lamest.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers

Everything points to our repeating. We had the toughest schedule last year and wound up 12-4 with our sixth Lombardi Trophy. We had the #1 defense. And something like 20 of last year's 22 starters returned for a sequel. But that O-line makes Swiss cheese look solid. If they don't improve, Parker doesn't get his bounce back, and/or Mendenhall's not for real, Big Ben's gonna have some great numbers (cool, since he's my FF QB) and a reeaaallllyyyyy long season.

I keep saying this, but the offensive line can't get any worse. So, they have to improve. Either Mendenhall, Parker, or Mewelde Moore will step up. The defense will survive Troy's 3-6-week absence, being "merely" impressive instead of utterly dominating.

You've still gotta like the Stillers' chances.

2. Baltimore Ravens

I would absolutely love the Baltimore Ravens if it weren't for two things: 1) Ray Lewis is a murderer and should be in jail; and 2) they're in our friggin' division! The D will suffocate as always and provide a weekly bloodbath. And safety Ed Reed will score more touchdowns than any of the Bal'mer receivers.

And that's the Ravens' problem. They still don't have the deep threat. Derrick Mason, though still impressive, is 10 years past his prime. Todd Heap will definitely have a better season. But you've gotta be able to pass for more than six yards at a time.

3. Cincinnati Bengals

I was seriously rooting for Marvin Lewis to get a head-coaching gig for years. Needless to say, I've been disappointed with his tenture in Cincy. It seems like the Bungholes are more apt to collect felonies than wins during any football season.

Carson Palmer simply isn't the same QB he was before his knee injury. Ochocino should change his name to Muchoculo. And Laverneus Coles can't spell Houshmandzadeh (but who can?). These fools should count themselves lucky that the Browns are in the division.

4. Cleveland Browns

They should count themselves lucky that the Lions are in the league. What a disaster.

AFC West

Thanks to the Chargers, the AFC West is not quite their NFC counterpart. But damn, the West sucks.

1. San Diego Chargers

I think of the Chargers as the "Colts Lite." On paper, there is absolutely no reason why these guys don't have at least one SB ring on their hands. They are just too talented. Yet, every year they find a way to lose. LT punks out. Shawn Merriman loses his mind. Antonio Gates disappears. And Philip Rivers has to be wheeled off the field. I guess that's what happens when you have either Marty Schottenheimer or Norv Turner calling the shots.

Well, you gotta think if they don't do it this year, they never will. Merriman can barely control his roid rage any longer, and the team's about to break apart. How else can you explain their making LT's back-up, Darren Sproles, their franchise player?

The Chargers will win the division 'cause someone's got to, then be out in the second round--with LaDanian injured and sobbing on the sidelines. Who knew "punk" was spelled with an "L" and a "T"?

2. Oakland Raiders

I'm entitled to one Cra-Z Crackhead pick. This is it. With McFadden, Bush, and Huggie Bear, Jr., the Raiders are gonna literally run all over everybody. That's pretty much all they can do. I'm thinking JaMarcus Russell couldn't possibly be as bad as he was last year. He'll definitely complete a pass or two to complement the run game.

The one X-Factor in Oaktown is Al Davis (the Kim Jong-Il of football, as my boy, Jet, puts it). How will he nuke his team this year?

3. Denver Broncos

Either new coach Josh McDaniels has the biggest balls in football for trading Jay Cutler or he's the biggest docuhebag in the history of professional sports. Either way, he'll be fired by the end of next season. You simply don't trade away a franchise quarterback. And you definitely do not trade him for Kyle Orton!

4. Kansas City Chiefs

I hear former Chiefs head coach, Herm Edwards, a consummate moron, was a huge fan of Napoleon and could constantly be heard misquoting the emperor, saying, "Après moi, la merde."

Well, now that Herm is gone, his prophesy will be found to be true, and the Kansas City Chiefs will wallow in shit for years to come. Just ask the Jets.

Let the bullshit continue...

Playoff Predictions

Sure, why not?

Wild Card Weekend


New York Giants over Seattle Seahawks
Minnesota Vikings over Carolina Panthers

New England Patriots over Indianapolis Colts
San Diego Chargers over Baltimore Ravens



Philadelphia Eagles over Minnesota Vikings
Chicago Bears over New York Giants

Pittsburgh Steelers over New England Patriots (finally!)
Tennessee Titans over San Diego Chargers



Philadelphia Eagles over Chicago Bears

Pittsburgh Steelers over Tennessee Titans


You know, a large part of me wants to pick the Eagles for this one. Donovan McNabb deserves it. He's a gamer, a Hall of Fame quarterback, and, as I said, he knows how to win. And he deserves it for all the flak he's taken over the years and for all those crappy years when it was only him and a stifling D that got the Eagles as far as they've gotten. And, with Michael Vick and a healthy Brian Westbrook (which he won't be) by his side, you've gotta think the Lombardy trophy is theirs for the taking.

However, while McNabb knows how to win, the Eagles, as an organization, always figure out a way to lose.

And fuck it. I'm a homer.



Monday, September 14, 2009

The If-I'd've-Been-Taylor-Swift Video of the Day

'Cause everybody deserves better and Kanye deserves a whole helluva lot worse.


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Say It Ain't So, Addison! Say It Ain't So!

Joe ... Joe ... say it ain't so. Tell me it's yet another conspiracy of the extremist, left-wing media. Tell me it's a hideous plot by that crypto-Communist Hussein Obama. Tell me anything, Joe! Anything! I just don't care!

First, they're telling me that your name isn't even Joe. How can this be, Joe? You are a true, red-blooded American willing to stand up to that Socialist and call him a LIAR to his face!!! And now those damned liberals are saying that you're lying about your own name?!!!

I gotta find out that Charles Bronson's real last name is Buchinsky? And that Chuck Norris's first name is actually Carlos?! You think he's really Mexkin?! You think Huckabee knows?

John Wayne was named Marion. Pete DuPont's actually named Pierre. And Joe the Plumber's Samuel?

And you? You?

You ain't no "Joe," at all. You're a Addison Graves. What kind of name is that?

It's like ... it's like all my American heroes ain't what they say they are. It's like they've all lied to me. It's like finding out that Joe Six-Pack drinks Amstel Friggin' Light!!!

But that ain't even the worst part, JOE!

See, ya gotta understand, my wife and I, we were listening to that socialist ni-Nazi, Hussein, speaking the other night, sick to our stomachs, afraid that our country was lost to his socialist agenda, when you finally spoke up. Telling him where he could put all that government control! Lying, lying to us about all those illegal immigrants and black reparations he's gonna get with his "universal health care"!

When you said those two magical words--"YOU LIE!!!"--we stood up and cheered, we hooted and hollered, we stood up, put our hands to our hearts, and pledged our allegiance to our American flag T-shirts! We finally felt that here was a true patriot standing up for REAL AMERICANS like me and my wife.

But you weren't standing up for us at all, Addison, were you? According to these conniving liberals, you were standing up for the health care professionals, who have given you almost a quarter of a million dollars in campaign contributions! Then these evil left-wing radical sumbitches are saying you also got "$86,150 from pharmaceutical companies, $73,050 from insurance companies and $68,000 from hospitals and nursing homes."

God, I hope this ain't true! I hope this is another one of their evil conspiracies to rule the world--like fluoride in the water and the polio vaccine! They can't be tellin' the truth, Addison. THEY JUST CAN'T!!!

It can't be that Rush, Glenn, and Sean are our only hope!

If so, I fear America is TRULY DOOMED!!!!

UPDATE: Sue, over at What Got Me Going Today posted this article over at Newsweek about Shoeless Addison's health care hypocrisy. Apparently, this staunch defender against socialized medicine and military veteran is also the beneficiary of the Department of Defense's single-payer, government-run health care system, TRICARE. But wait! It gets better. The Mad Adder has also voted against health care for veterans 11 times in eight years. Then in July, the schizoid offered an amendment exempting TRICARE from any employer mandates in any of the health care bills, saying (you'll love this), "As a 31-year Army Guard and Reserve veteran, I know the importance of TRICARE. The number of individuals who choose to enroll in TRICARE continues to rise because TRICARE is a low cost, comprehensive health plan that is portable and available in some form world-wide"; that TRICARE offers "world class health care"; and that "I am grateful to have four sons now serving in the military, and I know that their families appreciate the availability of TRICARE."

No matter what happens with this health care reform debacle, I pray to God that TRICARE remains untouched and that there's some government mandate to get Joe back on his meds.


Friday, September 11, 2009

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Well, as you know, The Health Care Stories Project is now over, and, as you may have guessed, I've been a bit burned out after the effort. I've been meaning to thank all of you who have contributed your own stories, tweeted, called for submissions, and commented during the project.

So, thank you!

I really appreciate all your efforts and for making the Project the success that it has been.

While I cannot thank you all enough, I decided to add the bloggers who did contribute to the whole thing to my blog roll. I really appreciate all you have done. I hope, in our own small way, we have made a little difference.

So please, check these folks out, yall:

Abandoned Stuff by Saskboy

The Adventures of a Foreign Salaryman in Tokyo

The Angry Black Woman

Badtux the Snarky Penguin


Canadian Soapbox

Cliff's Crib


Doves Today

Drinking Liberally in New Milford

Faboo Mama

The Gay Atheist

Helsingbloggin' - Malmo

Me, A Writer of Movie Scripts

Mr. Writer: Musings from Meaford

The Opposite

Paul Levinson's Infinite Regress

Rage against the Minivan

Relaxed Politics

Watergate Summer

Wolfville Watch


If I missed anybody (and I'm sure I have), please let me know, and I'll add you, too.

Thanks again!


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Beat This Fool Down!

All right, it's 4:36 in the morning, and I can't sleep. Mrs. Unknown and I put a bid in on our first house yesterday, and we may know our fate--well, in a couple hours. So, to quote the legendary Frederick ... "I'm in a daze, I'm so confused" ... and I don't know exactly what I want to say about The Big Brother's speech last night.

I will say it's glad to see him finally act like he's got a pair. Now, let's see if he actually means it and delivers a public option. I still have my doubts, but I'd love to look like a fool on this one.

The other thing I want to say is I am sick and tired of this load of syphilitic snatch sap we call the "Republican Party" showin' they gotdamned asses all the time and not giving the President of the United States! the respect he fucking deserves!!!

I don't give one ounce of shit or penicillin if "Liar! Liar!" Addison Graves ("Call Me 'Joe' So You Think I'm One of the People Instead of a Multimillionaire Trial Attorney Hellbent on Preserving White and Class Privilege Also Known as 'The American Way'") Wilson, Sr., apologized for calling out that the President is lying.

I don't care if Addison drops down on his knees, wears eye-patch underwear, and takes a good, ole-fashioned spanking like a Mike Duvall lobbyist!

I am just sick and tired of the John Boehners, Mitch McConnells, Fucks Newsers, Rush Limbaughs, and Tea Baggers of this world not, for even one ... tiny ... second, giving the President of the United States the respect he and his office deserve!

I know you all hate him! I know it has onnnlyyyyy to do with policy! and principle! And nothing else. Nope. Nothing else at all. Can't think of a single thing else. Nope. Not me. But you people are proving to be petty and small and standing in the way of this country's progress!

I'm tired of you people! Your hypocritical stances!

(Where was the fiscal responsibility when you were in office?! Dickheads!!!)

And tired of this ass-rodded asshole's face!!!

So, either take it to Obama's face, start doing the job that your gullible tax payers voted you in to do, or shut ... thefuck ... up!!!

Well, I'm glad I got that off my chest. I guess Poohbutt will be getting up soon enough. Maybe I'll go read a little Swanwick and try to catch a few Zs.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Another Reason to Hang Max Baucus

And I don't mean "in effigy".

According to Press Secretary Gibbs and Think Progress, good old Maxi here has given his stellar new health care proposal to the lobbyists even before showing it to the White House or probably even his fellow committee members.

Of course, there's already scuttlebutt about what the plan includes. According to The Associated Press here are some of the goodies:

Fees on insurance companies, drug makers, medical device manufacturers and insurers. Tax of 35 percent on insurance plans costing above $8,000 for individuals and $21,000 for families, applied to premium amounts over the threshold. Cuts to Medicare and Medicaid. A fee on employers whose workers receive government subsidies to help them pay premiums. Fines on those who fail to get coverage, up to $950 for individuals, $3,800 for families.

Of course, you can probably guess what's not included in the Baucus Back-Stab ...

Yep. No public option and no cap on what insurance companies can charge us.

Just more taxes and tax credits.

Of course, why should we be surprised? As I said before, these politicians are in the medical industry's back pocket. And when it comes to Max Baucus, those pockets be mighty deep.

Check out his Top 10 Campaign Contributors:

--Provided by Think Progress

Yes, the future health of this country is in this money-grubber's hands, but it seems as though those hands are already full.


Another Reason to Hang the Blue Dogs

Polling god, Nate Silver, has a great analysis over at Five Thirty-Eight (and who wasn't addicted to this site during the election?) of how Mike Ross (pictured on the right--of course) and the other Blue Balls' opposition is not only voting against the nation's interests and their party's interests but also, more than likely, the interests of their own districts and their own interests in getting re-elected. As Eugene Robinson has pointed out, if the Dems don't pass the public option, it's not the flaming liberals in California, New York, and the nation's urban centers who will pay, it is these "Blue Dogs" who will take the fall for their own incompetence.

With so many people in favor of the public option, it further illustrates the absolute hold these powerful lobbyists have over our politicians.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The No-Healthcare-Reform Song of the Day

The song we'll all be singing if the GOP, insurance companies, and Max Baucus and the Blue Balls have their way ...


Monday, September 7, 2009

Bill Moyers Bites My Sh!t

Bill gives credit to TPM in his little diatribe this week, but listen carefully. He's obviously riding Tome's jock.

We cool, though. As long as Obama gets the message.


Sunday, September 6, 2009

F*cking Hitler!

He just ruins everything.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

An Open Letter to President Obama

Dear President Obama:

My road to becoming one of your supporters was a long one. I was born a Democrat but became disillusioned with Clinton's election. I don't remember why, but I just didn't feel that he was looking out for my interests. In fact, I came to the conclusion that, no matter the party, all politicians would look out for monied interests first and never the common good. With that, my politics took a hard Left, and I didn't vote for years.

That changed in 2004, when I wanted to record my protest against the Iraq war and, registering with the DC Statehood Party, voted for John Kerry. However, last year, having moved to Maryland, I actually registered as a Democrat for their closed primary to vote for you.

I guess I "drank the Obama Aid." I wanted to believe in the "hope" and "change" you constantly spoke of. I knew the grave crises our country faces, and I truly believed that you were the agent of change you presented yourself to be. But now I'm realizing that yours were simply words, and I'm beginning to regret having ever voted for you. And, judging from conversations I'm having and the blogosphere, I don't think I am alone.

We were willing to give you a lot of leeway because you are facing challenges no other President has ever faced. Yet and still, we have stomached disappointment after disappointment these past seven months.

The bank bailout didn't happen on your watch--though you were a strong advocate on the campaign trail. We don't blame you for that. But what you're doing with it now is truly maddening. We tax payers are paying the piper, but you refuse to call the tune. You're not really calling for tougher regulations. Mortgages are not being lowered and restructured and folks are still being foreclosed upon. Bankers are getting back into mortgage-backed securities. And not only has no one been prosecuted nor fired, but they are also giving themselves outrageous bonuses with our tax dollars!

You've spent billions to save GM and Chrysler. Yet, you haven't explained why we Americans, who don't want to buy their cars, want to purchase their stock.

Anti-war activists voted for you because of your opposition to the Iraq war. But now, you're dragging your feet getting out of there (which makes sense) while ramping up operations in Afghanistan (which doesn't).

You're now fighting your own Attorney General's investigations into the torture allegations. And you, the President of the United States of America, the Constitutional scholar, are using the Nuremberg Defense ("They were just doing their jobs"), flying the face of international and American law, to protect torturers.

Environmentalists supported you only to discover that you plan to clean up fewer Super Fund sites than the Bush administration.

Before you supported DC's receiving a representative in Congress. Now you're mum.

And the gay community is rightfully up in arms over your betrayals. Not only do you not support marriage equality, but you've completely back-pedalled on Don't Ask Don't Tell.

We, your supporters, your base, have swallowed entire bottles of bitter pills these past seven months. But we pumped our stomachs quietly because we knew you were saving all that "political capital" for the big fight: health care.

But you really aren't. Are you?

While your supporters were praying for a single-payer system, you were calling Aetna's CEO, Ronald Williams "friend" and shaking hands with Cigna's Edward Hanway. We hear Billy Tauzin bragging that you're making secret deals with Pharma to not negotiate drug pricing. And before you could say, "pre-existing condition," single-payer was off the table.

We then set our hopes on a public option, but Secretary Sibelius squashed that. The public option is no longer an "essential option."

Instead, we hear such canards as "mandates," where we'll be forced to buy insurance but our insurers will not be capped. They can continue to charge exorbitant rates, ration our care, and drive us into bankruptcy, and we'll be forced to keep paying them for the privilege.

Then you spout on about "co-ops." Sure, they've only worked in Minneapolis and Seattle, but if we spend $6 billion to make them nationwide, they will "introduce" a non-profit provider and magically reduce medical costs. Blue Cross is non-profit in many states and Kaiser is non-profit nationwide. They haven't driven down costs. Why would these co-ops?

And why are we hearing about these? In the name of "bi-partisanship"?

You want to compromise in order to get Republican votes? Isn't Jim DeMint, the one who says health care will be your "Waterloo," a Republican? Michele Bachmann, who said they need to "slit their wrists" to insure reform won't pass, is a Republican, too, right? And isn't Mike Enzi, the senator giddy over the things he's getting taken out of the health care bill ... what party does he belong to?

How does one exactly compromise with the same people who are determined to see you fail?

Is it by passing a health "reform" bill that doesn't reform anything and trumpeting it like you actually did something? Will you be like Bill Clinton, hailing "his" (Republicans') welfare reform? Talking about how x people are now off of welfare, acting as though they're now gainfully employed, when really x people are off welfare because you kicked them off of welfare?

Well, the health care crisis is too grave--with its already exorbitant costs and the Baby Boomers hitting their 60s. We don't want that kind of "reform" now. We don't want a Clintonian Republican-in-Democrat-Clothing "victory." We rejected the Clinton legacy during last year's primaries. We denounced Republican policy in '06 and '08. If you give us those, if you present us with anything less than the public option, you will have failed.

This will, in fact, be your Waterloo. The Republicans will be emboldened and ride roughshod over your every subsequent proposal, knowing they can defeat it. The Blue Dogs will run for cover and contemplate switching parties. The Liberals will be so disgusted, they'll no longer listen to you. And your base will forever regret their mistake in voting for you. You will become the most ineffectual one-term president in US history.

And you will have deserved it. You were elected with 53 percent of the vote. You have a 20-seat advantage in the Senate and a 60-seat one in the House. Yes, some polls say that support for the public option has dipped from 62 to 53 percent. However, the AARP recently released a poll saying almost 80 percent of Americans favor some form of public option; they just don't know what form it should take. In the face of those numbers, you if you fail, you will absolutely prove that you don't even deserve the one term you've been given. Presidents have gone to war with less support.

Your failure will prove that you simply do not possess the courage to occupy the position you're currently holding. Lincoln had the courage to wage total war against the South. Truman desegregated the armed forces in the face of massive opposition. LBJ lost his party the South to pass Civil Rights legislation. Even W. had the temerity to "cherry-pick his facts" to invade Iraq.

But you are buckling before loud-mouthed, Tea Party opposition, who never has and never will vote for you. You cower before Republicans who don't have the power to stop you. You cringe before Blue Dogs who clearly don't know which party they belong to. Worst of all, you are eschewing popular support and the common good to appease the monied interests of the insurers, AMA, and Pharma. The hell with the millions of Americans being bankrupted, denied care, and denying themselves care as long as Ronald Williams, Edward Hanway, and Billy Tauzin are happy?!

However, if I am wrong and you actually do have the courage, then get out there and fight for the public option. Explain to the people what it will do for them, for others, what it will cost, and how long it will take to fully implement. Tell us the truth. Preach to us about the moral and fiscal imperative of health care reform.

Say, yes, some insurers may go out of business with the increased competition. But those who survive and the new insurers who spring up will be more efficient and more responsive to our needs. to help allay their fears, throw the Republicans a bone and allow health care portability and make insurance regulation national instead of making them comply with each state's different regulations. Tell them that that will only increase competition and drive down costs.

Ignore the Tea Party. They'll never vote for you. They are not your base. Forget the Republicans. If they're not on board, throw them into the Boston Harbor. They will suffer for not voting for the public option in subsequent elections.

Throw in Max Baucus while you're at it. He's in the insurers' pocket and will only obstruct all efforts. And get these Blue Dogs in line. Rahm Emmanuel brought them into the world, and he can take them out. Remind them that if they want to be Democrats, they need to vote Democrat.

But, most importantly, get ... the ... public ... option ... passed!

If you don't, you will prove yourself too weak to hold the Oval Office. You will have abandoned your voters. You will prove to be yet another politician who only cares about his powerful campaign contributors. Who cares not one whit about the common good. You will tragically pave the way for Mitt Romney in '12.

And we will not be sorry to see you go.

Bill Campbell