Sunday, March 8, 2009

Eat A Armey Award

All right, I don't know if it's the doctor's bill, the quitting smoking thing, or the drug I'm taking to quit smoking that's screwing around with my cranial lobes, or Timothy Geithner's lack of testicles, but I've been feeling more than a little irritated these past couple days. So, in honor of everyone's favorite Dick ...

former Congressman from Texas, House Majority Leader, and "Republican Revolutionary," Dick Armey, I announce my first, weekly (yeah right, Bill, like you have that kind of discipline)
Eat A Armey Award, for the public luminary who's being an especial jackhole the previous week.

The inaugural Eat A Armey Award goes to none other than ...

Michelle Malkin

Oh, there are so many reasons to bestow this honor about Ms. Malkin (whether it's her being a Japanese internment apologist or the fact that she graduated summa cum laude from the Sierra Madre School of Journalism--"Facts?! We don't need no stinkin' facts!!!"--or her huggin' up on swastika-totin' white men ...

or just about anything spewing out of this hate-filled, self-loathing leviathan), but this week I'm giving it to her for her reaction to this photo:

For those who don't know, the First Lady went to a homeless shelter Thursday and served dinner. As one could expect, when such outrageous acts of barbarism are committed, the Right responded with appropriate outrage ... Outrage ... OUTRAGE!!! I say.

Of course, they ain't hatin' on the First Lady. They hate the picture-taker--the one they all assume is homeless.

LA Times's Andrew Malcolm set it off by saying: "If this unidentified meal recipient is too poor to buy his own food, how does he afford a cellphone? And if he is homeless, where do they send the cellphone bills?"

Kathryn Jean Lopez over at National Review offered up that good, old conservative shibboleth for screwing over the poor: "I don't envy this man's situation, whatever it is, and don't mean to make light of it. But we are a blessed people when our poor have cell phones."

Kathy Shaidle, over at Five Feet of Fury, once again reading from the apocryphal Gospel of Fuck All Yall that only Conservative Christians seem to possess, states the waaaaay-too-obvious on this one: "Today's 'poor' are the rich Jesus warned you about: fat, slovenly, wasteful of their money and other people's."

Compared to the usual vitriol vomiting up from her labia, Malkin's claptrap was kind of mild on this one: "Some folks are wondering where the cell phone bills get sent. The answer is obvious: ACORN headquarters"; and "The liberals’ argument is that they need cell phones to get jobs. Do they need Blackberry Pearls?!"

So, Bill, if it was indeed so mild, why should Michelle eat a armey?

Uhhh ... Because I hate her.

Now, my first question I have to ask Michelle and her conservative crew is, What exactly about that picture-taker makes you assume that the man is homeless?

Hmm ... OK, we do know that this is a homeless shelter. So, I'm with you so far. Now, is it the man's hat? Do only homeless men wear those kinds of hats? No, I've seen those hats before. I have one, and I'm not homeless.

Is it his sweatshirt? No. I've got one of those, too.

Bill, did you ever stop to think that you might be homeless?

While I can't rule that out (though I think I want a refund for all that rent I've been paying), it still begs the question, what made these conservatives automatically think that this black man taking a photo in a homeless shelter was himself homeless? What could it possibly have been?

And while you're pondering that, may I ask what is especially wrong with a homeless person having a cell phone? I mean, I don't know much about the damned things. My wife gave me my first one, my mother my second, and my in-laws my third. I'm a Luddite with a website and don't find much need for the cellie. So, Michelle Ma Belle, I don't know if ole boy's sportin' a Blackberry Pearl as you quip. But I'm left wondering why a homeless man--if he were indeed homeless--might need a cell phone.

Hmm ...

Let me see, if I'm homeless, I'm betting people might have a tough time getting in contact with me. Like, my family wouldn't know where I was. I'm confused, how would a perspective employer get in touch with me telling me whether I have a job or not? Hell, how would my current employer get in touch with me? After all, I and a lot of my homeless cohorts are actually employed. We just ain't making enough money. That reminds me, I just applied for this little apartment over on Lazy Motherfuckers Who Are Trying to Bilk Hard-Workin' White Folks Lane. I wonder how they'll get in touch with me.

Damn, if only there was some device, something maybe portable, something I could talk into and hear other people talking to me. As you know, much like yourself, I'm always on the go, moving here, moving there. It's really hard to get in touch with me ... because I'm fucking HOMELESS!!!

I just hope one day they come up with something like that that I could use. I mean, they can put a man on the moon, but they can't come up with a portable talking device that would help me to establish some roots. Wait, what? They haven't put a man on the moon in over 30 years. Do you think that's why they haven't come up with my portable talking thingee?

But no, Malkin and her ilk didn't actually think that a cell phone could be an important device that could help a homeless person better their situation. Nope, she and the others went for the cheap joke, their go-to riff on the "Welfare Queen" myth to once again show how "stupid" the poor are and how you shouldn't give any money, time, or compassion to the unfortunate because they'll ultimately just waste it on something as "frivolous" as a cell phone.

For that, the obvious racial subtext, and the automatic assumption that a black man in a homeless shelter is homeless (not a volunteer, employee, nor director), Michelle Malkin most definitely deserves to ...



RonStrelecki said...

I hate that homeless cellphone owning bastard! How dare he have a cellphone? It is totally ruining my fantasy of destitution...

There was a recent study that revealed that most people would rather earn $100,000 a year and live in a neighborhood and have friends that earned $50,000 a year, than earn $200,000 a year and live in a neighborhood and have friends that earn $400,000 a year.

The Fascists live in a socially constructed reality, just like the rest of us. they want the poor to be POVERTY STRICKEN because it makes them feel good about themselves.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

I hope to hell that you're not doing Welbutrin or Chantix to stop smoking. I had very negative reactions to Welbutrin (went from usual Crotchety Bitch to UBER-PSYCHO-BITCH), and got NOTHING from Chantix. No help with the nicotine cravings, no shutting-down of the pleasure receptors in the brain,no nuttin'. And they DO have class-action suits out now from people who've attempted or committed suicide from Chantix.

I know, I'm absofuckinglutely no help here, but then, I don't WANT to quit smoking, so I haven't really looked for any answers. I just thought I'd add some info to your thought process, just in case you have any adverse reactions, you'd be warned ahead of time. Sorry to be such a non-help, but I hope that it goes well for you, especially at that price!

Sue Jacquette said...

My in laws actually cook, deliver, and serve food at a homeless shelter in Philadelphia every other Friday night throughout the winter. I've gone with them when I can and send my daughter even more. Most of those men (it's a shelter for men only) had apartments and jobs, but were living right on the poverty line and when they lost their job, the apartment went very quickly after that. Going so frequently, you get to know these guys and are thrilled when you go and don't see the same faces because that means he got a job and an apartment. Yes, cell phones become prized possessions. It's a connection to a life they slipped away from. It's a reminder of where they need to get to. Where do the bills go? The same place all their mail goes, to a friend's house or a family member's house. Still others had family members who would give them a phone that the family member pays the bill for. Or, like you say, he could be the director of the program. Why on earth would anyone would begrudge another human being of something as basic as a phone.

As for the quitting smoking, what worked for me was not quitting. Hear me out. I never actually quit, but I haven't smoked for years. I just started making myself wait until I REALLY wanted one. I wouldn't just mindlessly smoke anymore, I would wait 5 minutes and if I still wanted it, I would have it. Then, to my surprise, I didn't want one for weeks, then months, now years. I still haven't quit, though.

boukman70 said...


I think people conveniently hold onto that Dickensian vision of poverty in order to alleviate their own guilt over our own poor. And, if you can point to such "luxuries" as cell phones or the "fat poor" with ridicule, you come to the realization that you don't need to feel guilty at all and fuck them for trying to make you feel that way.


Yes, I'm on Chantix. No suicidal thoughts so far. I'd had a headache once (but I get those all the time). The first pill in the morning makes me violently nauseous for about 5 minutes. But, other than that, it's working fairly well so far. But I feel that I've been dodging a bullet for too long with my health, and I really want to quit smoking this time around.


Yeah, I can understand that little trick. For years, I only smoked about a cigarette a day. Then I went up to about 1/3 to 1/2 pack a day for years. This past year I've limited it pretty much to just smoking at work (I work part-time). But I've really gotten sick of jonesing for 2 cigarettes like I'm jonesing for 20. I just want to quit smoking once and for all. Here's to hopin'!