Congressional Prostitution: Mike Ross Will Screw Us All for Money

As we've noted before on Tome, this sexy bitch was acting way too suspicious to not be on the stroll for the "health care" industry. He's just been far too willing to go against the wishes of his party and his own district and blue ball the public option to not be bending over for somebody powerful. And witnesses have sworn that the last time he spoke on the floor of Congress, he screamed something along the lines ... "You can do anything! Tie me up! Whip me! Fist me if you want! Just don't kiss me on the mouth!!!"

And what is behind this virulent anti-public option fetish? Well, it ain't all cock rings and feather dusters, people. Nope, according to Politico, the money shot is a land deal that only an Arkansas politician could pull off:

Ross sold Holly’s Health Mart in Prescott, Ark., to USA Drug for $420,000 — an eye-popping price for real estate in a tiny train and lumber town about 100 miles southwest of Little Rock.

“You can buy half the town for $420,000,” said Adam Guthrie, chairman of the county Board of Equalization and the only licensed real estate appraiser in Prescott.

But the $420,000 that USA Drug paid for the pharmacy’s building and land was just the beginning of what Ross and his wife, Holly, made from the sale of Holly’s Health Mart. USA Drug owner Stephen L. LaFrance Sr. also paid the Rosses $500,000 to $1 million for the pharmacy’s assets and paid Holly Ross an additional $100,000 to $250,000 for signing a noncompete agreement. Those numbers, which Mike Ross listed on the financial disclosure reports he files as a member of Congress, bring the total value of the transaction to between $1 million and $1.67 million.

And that’s not counting the $2,300 campaign contribution Ross received from LaFrance two weeks after the sale closed.

Now, don't get it twisted. It's not as though Mike Ross is the only whore in this here Babylon. Damn near all of them are swishing around in their ass-less chaps, singing, "Easy access, baby!" He just knows how to work his pimp for the biggest cut!

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Protect Your Jindaltalia

Just a mere 48 hours ago, you were the Golden Child, the "rising star in the Republican Party," you, Piyush "Bobby" Jindal, were the cock on the walk.

Then you gave that speech and immediately got your balls handed to you.

You left Rachel Maddow impotent:



But everyone else was ready, scalpel in hand.

Dr. Charles Krauthammer, inventor of the "crack baby," said you "didn't have a chance."

Juan Williams called you "childish" and "amateurish".

David Brooks declared your response a "disaster":



Andy Borowitz thanked you for "the gift of laughter."

Andrew Sullivan said you reminded him of Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock. There's this YouTube mash-up saying you are Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock.



Of course, now Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock wants a piece of you, going on Jimmy Fallon, saying you're nothing like him.

Me? I'm more in line with Karen Dalton-Beninato, who thinks you more closely resemble Tim Calhoun.



In the blogosphere, Busted Knuckles over at Ornery Bastard absolutely toasted you over your volcano monitoring dig. While Jon Swift had us laughing raucously over the stench of your burnt flesh.

Folks are clowning you for naming yourself after that lovable, youngest brother from The Brady Bunch. I mean, damn, he was lovable.

Demonizing you because you saved a dear friend with an exorcism. Hell, Sarah Palin had a witch doctor just pray over her. You were being pro-active!

I've even seen some people call you a "self-loathing Indian." Bobby, how can they say that about you? How, Bobby? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! How?!

But don't you listen to them, Bobby. Ignore those slings and arrows. Sure, they scored a direct hit, and now the family jewels are rolling around on the floor ready to be stomped to oblivion by that dastardly liberal media. Wait? What? Krauthammer, Brooks, and Sullivan are all Conservatives? What about Juan Williams? He's a liberal. Could've fooled me. And what was that? Even Laura Ingraham's aimed her stilettos at your stuff? She wasn't the one who said you "walked out like an earnest dork," was she? Or that "he seemed to have somehow figured out a way to speak too quickly and too slow at the same time." No? That was Jim Geraghty. Good, I was worried.

As I said, don't you worry about all those haters, Bobby. Don't you worry about that horrible speech, those flat jokes ("Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C."--you really should fire your speech writers), ignore those nads of yours skittering across the floor.

After all, the good Nurse Ratched, I mean, Michelle Malkin, is there for you, providing the succor she never would've given the interned Japanese. She'll scoop those bad boys up for you, put them on ice. All you have to do is take some of that stimulus money (we know you're keeping most of that "irresponsible" money, anyway), and go to Dr. "Feelgood" Limbaugh. He'll stitch you up real nice for 2012. And think of the drugs, Bobby! Think of the drugs.



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