Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Bring Out the Broom!

That's right! Even with El Sid and Evgeni being shut out tonight, my Penguins dusted the Carolina Hurricanes 4-1 to pull off the sweep!

Now it's on to the Stanley Cup for the second year in a row!

But it ain't all love, peace, and chicken grease tonight, people!

There is a turncoat in our midst.

That's right. I'm talking to you, Bill Cowher!

Don't look so confused, fool!

Now, I know you went to my high school. I know you sent my Steelers to a helluva lot of playoff games. And you did win one Super Bowl for the Black 'N' Gold. So, I guess I should be grateful.

But, dude, you lost three--count 'em, three--AFC Championship games at home and came pretty damned close to losing the fourth one. The only way you could get to the Super Bowl was by being a wild card. And it took you, what, 13 seasons to finally get that one Super Bowl ring. It only took Tomlin two seasons. OK, sure, it was mostly your team that won this January, but the brother's obviously a far quicker study than you were!!!

I'm still pissed off at you for playing Big Ben your last season. The man had a head injury, asshole! Those things take at least a year to heal, and you had him out there two months after his melon cracked against a car windshield! You could've gotten that boy killed! I'm still lobbying to have you shipped to Canton and put on trial for sports crimes and misdemeanors. So, you better watch your ass, pal.

I'm not even going to mention how much you absolutely, positively suck! on that CBS pre-game show. Wait, did I just ...?

Well, all of you suck on that show. You've even dragged the immortal JB down into your Vortex of Vapidity!

But what really chaffs my ass is your turn of coat tonight. You ... are ... a ... Pittsburgher, jagoff! What the hell were you doing cranking the 'Canes' siren tonight?!

I don't care that you went to college in North Carolina. I don't care if you live down there. I don't care if you are addicted to their vinegar-based barbecue sauce. You do NOT go against your hometown team!

I hope Rick Kehoe kicks your ass!!!

(Now, if only the Blackhawks decide to go all Last Boy Scout and starts capping, maiming, or hobbling some Red Wings so we can have a shot at this.)


modik said...

Oh my, I didn't see Billy Boy on the horn, but dang I'm scared for him after reading this!
Detroit looking like a machine again, but now, so are the Pens and I'm sure they'd love to meet Mr. Hossa on the ice again...

boukman70 said...

I gotta admit, I'm feeling a lot more optimistic about the Pens' chances now than I was even a week ago. Detroit is monstrous. Every time someone has the puck, they swarm four players around the poor sap. But this past series a lot of secondary players stepped up. So, if Malkin's again beholden to the Russian mafia and refuses to score, I feel good in knowing that Gonchar or Guerin will probably fill the void.

I will say, I'm sorry LaRaque ain't still around to give Hossa a little Haitian/Canadian lovin'!