Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Some Quick Condom Questions

So, at work, I'm being forced to read Brenda Jackson's Some Like It Hot, another one of those post-Zane, ultra-bourgie g.e.t.o. porn love short story collections, where everything is overly explained and repetitive as hell (just in case you're too stupid to be reading a book in the first place). And in one short story, "Strictly Business," (oh yeah, everything in these books has to be named after an old song) the male love interest brings a condom to the sex table but then says, "I don't want to put it on until the very last minute."

Being the babe-in-the-woods that I am, with virgin ears and eyes, I was a bit baffled at first. I had to stop for a second. Then I realized, ole boy wanted to get a few strokes in and, just before he was going to release his Ole Faithful, he was going to stop everything and throw a rubber on his little duckie.

Now, I know the advantages and disadvantages of condom use. And I was wondering, if he really wanted the former, how would putting one on at the last minute really benefit him? And I was wondering, if he were really concerned about the latter, why the hell would you bring a condom in the first place?

Then I was wondering if this were even something an adult male would even try to pull on someone? Like, I could see some horny, little teenager trying to pop that shit--right after saying, "Oh no, you can't get pregnant if we do it standing up."

And what adult woman would fall for a line like that?

Is this something that actually happens in reality? Like, our these the people who always tell their disbelieving peers that "the condom broke"? Are these the fellas always pissed off when Maury tells them, "You are the father"? Or was this just bad writing on Brenda Jackson's part?

This inquiring mind wants to know.

4 comments:

Darius Whiteplume said...

I really don't know why those books are always in the fiction section rather than the romance section...

Isn't the woman in the story on the pill or something? In adults I tend to think of the disease prevention use of condoms over the baby preventing use. I believe (don't quote me) that heterosexual women are among the largest groups with growing HIV infections, and this kind of crap doesn't seem to help.

Cujo359 said...

I've never heard of such a thing. The timing issues alone are too daunting, as far as I'm concerned.

Fran Langum / Blue Gal said...

Having sex makes you lose brain cells. It's mother nature's plan for keeping the human race going.

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