Thursday, January 28, 2010

Campbell to Kyl: Stop Being A ...

In one of the first signs that Obama's reaching out to Republicans in last night's State of the Union Address has him coming back with a nub, Arizona Republican, Sen. Jon Kyl, this morning admonished Obama to "stop whining" on National Public Radio. Kyl went on to elaborate, "I would have thought by now he would have stopped blaming the Bush administration for the mess that he inherited, and I don't think the American people want a whiner who says,'woe is me.'"

In a rare fit of "partisan rancor," Tome of the Unknown Writer's own Bill Campbell has issued a state responding to Kyl:

"Yo, Kyl! Stop being a cocksucker!!!"

Campbell appeared to almost instantly back away from the statement:

"Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against those who like to practice such deeds. Some of my best friends enjoy being cocksuckers, and I support them in their activities. I have often said that fellatio is one of the greatest gifts a man can receive."

But then, Campbell went on to say:

"But Jon Kyl and his Republican cronies have got to be the biggest bunches of cocksuckers America has seen since the segregationist Dixiecrats. They're nothing but a bunch of Welfare Queens, getting paid six figures a year to sit on their asses, eat bonbons, and bitch about how the government ain't doing enough for 'em! It's government waste and fraud at its highest!!!

"They're just delusional! From Alito's catatonic headshaking, 'It's not twoo. It's not twoo,' when Obama told SCOTUS to their faces how they just gave corporations a blank check to buy American elections for time immemorial to John Boehner's talking about how health care reform is 'the greatest threat to American liberty I've seen in my 19 years in Washington.' Yo bitch, ever hear of the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act?!!!

"Thirty years of Reaganism and eight years of Bush has wreaked a nationwide Katrina on this country, and we still find ourselves wallowing in our own shit. And it oddly smells like elephant dung!

"Yet these assholes don't even have the decency to get out a broom and disinfectant and help clean up the mess. Instead, they keep massaging the pachyderm's asshole, hoping to coax more fecal matter onto this country!!!

"It's time for these Republicans to either shut the fuck up, get to work, or gets to gittin'! I'm tired of their bullshit!!!"

After which, a hyperventilating Campbell returned to work and his second cup of coffee for the day.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Well said.

Shani said...

I am so tired of these weasels.

And that goes for Democratic weasels, too. They know who they are.

boukman70 said...


I think it's time to issue some serious primary challenges to these weak-ass Dems, too. I'm sick of cephalopods in donkey's clothing.