Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Showin' They Asses Award -- January 2009 Edition

Yeah, a lot of us out there just handed the Democrats a sweeping victory in the hopes that they'd "change the way things are done in Washington." We had high hopes that things would indeed change and that the quagmire we find ourselves in would be drained, and America would have a brighter tomorrow.

Though not a big fan of the Democrats myself (since I worked for them back in '91), I too am hopeful, but this last Rod Blagojevic/Roland Burris fiasco has got me more than a little concerned. The Dems knew they didn't have a leg to stand on, knew they were going to seat the brother in the Senate; yet it seems that they tripped over each other to show their asses and show themselves to be asses during the whole debacle.

Thank goodness, it'll all be over tomorrow. Burris will be getting Obama's Senate seat. The whole episode was political theater at its worst. We all knew the eventual outcome but were forced to watch the absurdist drama to the bitter end. The whole thing deserves a Tony, but all we've got here at Tome is the Showin' They Asses Award.

I'm hoping that this prestigious honor will not be handed out on a monthly basis. But one's gotta wonder about these Democrats. Are they really going to squander the historical opportunity America has given them? Are they just going to piss it all away, drive up the deficit, and have us all scrambling for good, hard currency--you know, the yuan?

It's hard to say, but now I'm starting to understand why the Dems have chosen the animal they have for their mascot.

Here were the finalists for the Showin' They Asses Award for January 2009:

5. Illinois Secretary of State Jesse White
First, Brother Jesse here acts all high-and-mighty, defiant in the face of the evil, evil Governor. He could not "in good conscience" sign off on any appointment made by said evil, evil guy. Then Harry Reid and those mighty, mighty Senators hide behind White's skirts, saying that Burris' credentials needed Blago's and the Secretary of State's signatures. Suddenly, White's the victim in all this. "They all said that he should stand down and that no one should accept his appointment. . . [Now] they leave me holding the bag . . . I've been put in a wheelchair and thrown down four flights of stairs." Then he was like, why are you looking at me? They don't need my signature. It's mainly ceremony, anyway. OK, while the Illinois Supreme Court did concur with this wuss tactic, if your signature didn't mean anything why didn't you just sign off in the first place? Why couldn't you just be the man of principle you were passing yourself off to be instead of just passing the buck?

4. Gov. Rod Blagojevich
I kinda hate doggin' the man. I've already made the obligatory jokes about his hair, and he has enough problems as it is. Besides, though he's corrupt yadda yadda, I kinda like how he gave the ultimate Up Yours to his national party. The man will not go without a fight. Federal corruption charges be damned! And this man fights dirty. Knowing damned well why the Senate didn't want to seat Burris, you played that funky race card, white boy with such ease and deadly accuracy, they need to start calling you Bullseye. Accusing Reid of racism, saying he rejected all your suggested black candidates and would only accept the white ones, left the Senate Majority Leader utterly eviscerated. He was left stammering and stuttering on Meet the Press: "Jesse Jackson Jr. is somebody that I think would be a good senator. And for Blagojevich to start throwing out these names of people who I wanted and didn't want ... He's making it up." As I said, I don't know whether to laud you or vilify you, but you definitely showed your ass, Corruptissus Maximus.

3. US Congressman Bobby Rush
In this "post-racial" world, this ex-Panther wanted to show that that ol' Race Dog still had some bite. And Rush bit the big one on Day 1: "Let me just remind you that there presently is no African-American in the U.S. Senate. I will ask you to not hang and lynch the appointee as you try to castigate the appointer. I don't think that anyone -- any U.S. senator who's sitting in the Senate right now -- wants to go on record to deny one African-American for being seated in the U.S. Senate." On Day 2, the damned mutt went rabid with Rush comparing Reid to such legendary racists and anti-integrationists Orval Faubus, George Wallace and Bull Connor.

And then he went even further on Larry King talking about how there are 4 Latinos, 2 Asians, 11 women, and a gotdamned schnauzer in the US Senate, yet no bruthas! I think he went on to call King "honky," I'm not sure. Funny, he never once mentioned the corruption charges against Blago, about how he's on tape trying to sell the Senate seat, and how that might cast some sort of cloud over Burris' legitimacy. Nope, it was all about race. Who needs new tricks when you still think the old ones work so well?

(Author's Note: OK, the above pictures aren't actually of the Chicago congressman Bobby Rush, but the old blues man, Bobby Rush, performing in Chicago. It's just that the picture makes me wonder why they give rappers so much shit. That, and what exactly did he want the young woman's ass to say?)

2. Sen. Harry Reid
Wow, talk about playing yourself for an ass. Just like Brutha Jesse above, you were trying to be all high-and-mighty, etc. You were trying to act like this was all a matter of justice and respect for the law and anti-corruption. But nobody was fooled. You weren't being the paragon of virtue. You just didn't want to lose that Senate seat to Republicans in 2010. Now, you just look like an ass. Blago painted you as a racist who would never accept a black man as a fellow Senator. You painted yourself as a racist, denying Burris entrance into the Senate. You might as well just yelled out, "Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever!!!"

And the Winner Is....

Roland Burris

Look, I was raised right. I want to respect my older generation. I want to give them their propers. We owe them a lot. If it weren't for brothers like Roland Burris, we wouldn't have a Barack Obama today.

But, damn, man, show some pride. I know you wanted to be a US Senator "in the worst way." Did you actually have to go that route, though? That whole Hoke bullshit you pulled in front of the Senate: "Gee, Miss Daisy, I don' rightly knows why dem mean ole white folkses wudn't let me in. I din't do nuffim." I mean, shit, Stepin Fetchit died in 1985, blood! And to let Blagojevich, The Man use you so shamelessly ... I just ... I ... I ...

Here, just take the award. You deserve it.

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