The BEPpy Memorandum: "Doing What We Are Trained to Do"

Dear Brothers and Sisters of the Fraternal Order of Police:

My fellow officers, in light of the tragic, fatal, New Year's Day shooting of Oscar Juliuss Grant, III, on a Bay Area Rapid Transit Authority (BART) train platform, I feel it is my duty to address all of you to remind us as to why we took this job in the first place.

Though there are numerous videos of the incident, we do not fully know all that occurred that fateful day. Let it be know, though they're mere transit police, they have the full support of the F.O.P. We are with these victims in mind, spirit, and legal counsel, and we will vigorously defend them against the liberal and racial forces that do not understand that these brave, transit officers were merely "doing what they are trained to do." However, are we in the Fraternal Order still doing ours?

In 1938, when J. Edgar Hoover first tasked this nation's local law enforcement with the Black Extermination Program (BEPpy) and the killing of unarmed black men, he was met with nothing but mass skepticism. Could we really accomplish what slavery and Jim Crow had failed to do? Was it possible? However, with our brethren in the South, Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York in the lead, BEPpy quickly became a success studied the world over. It was truly the Golden Age of American law enforcement.

But with the Miranda ruling and the rise of the Civil Rights movement and the post-Watergate liberal media, BEPpy and we police have suffered some dramatic setbacks. Our homicide rates have fallen precipitously--falling well short of annual quotas and way far behind the rates in which African-American males kill each other. After the Rodney King riots, it's almost as though BEPpy has been erased from our training manuals. If it were not for the brave work of Giuliani/Bloomberg's NYPD, I don't know where we would be. They're constant use of brutal force and their constant scientific inquiries (with various choke holds, pepper spray, Tasers, and discovering, with Abner Louima, that sodomizing an African with a plunger is indeed not fatal as previously believed) should be commended and emulated.

The BEPpy Program has fallen into a state of serious disrepair. And we of the Fraternal Order should be ashamed that it has been left to transit cops! to carry out the duties tasked to us. Their lack of training is all to evident in the video [see below] and should remind us that the Black Extermination Program should be left to trained professionals.

Therefore, I implore you to once again go over the original Hoover edict [attached] and to go back out there to do your job. That great man told us to kill unarmed black men. So, we must search them out wherever they may congregate. There's no use in searching neighborhood churches. We could start at nightclubs, check-cashing places, liquor stores, Chinese take-outs, fast food restaurants, and anywhere they sell Loosies and lottery tickets.

In the past, places of employment have proved futile. However, if you check the Nationwide Baby Mama Registry, you can find many unarmed black men in their children's biological mothers' homes--though federal guidelines strictly forbid such cohabitation. As has been stated, this is for unarmed black men, so please do not stop any who are congregating on neighborhood street corners. These men can be found later in the evening at their grandmothers' residences (where they will often have their guard down). The same applies for high schoolers who have reached their majority.

With these simple guidelines, we of the Fraternal Order can once again restore BEPpy to its 1941-52 glory. With two wars, a struggling economy, the War on Terror, and the election of Barack Hussein Obama, these are indeed perilous times ladies and gentlemen. We of the Fraternal Order of Police are the thin blue line that keeps America safe. We must be forever vigilant. We must once again fight to keep BEPpy alive and do what we were originally trained to do. Also, we must convince FBI Director Robert Mueller to have congress pass its cousin, LEPpy into law.

Your Faithful Servant,

Mustafa McFriendly
Chief of Police
_______________, CA