Forget the polls, the pundits, and their spin. If you really want to know who will win tomorrow's presidential election, just watch tonight's Redskins-Steelers game. Apparently, since 1937, when the Redskins win the game before the election, the party that holds the White House keeps the White House. When the 'Skins lose, the party in power loses. 2004 was the lone exception--even Joe Gibbs's incompetence could help Kerry win.
So, Obama voters, if only for tonight, you must root for the Black 'n' Gold! The fate of the entire free world depends on their victory. And now, you, too, will have to suffer the agony of watching the crappiest line in NFL history protecting a faltering economy, our nuclear arsenal, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Take some of that hope that Obama's been instilling in you these past two years and direct it to Chris K, Justin Hartwig, Max Starks, Trai Essex (to believe you went to Northwestern--oh wait, you suck--I believe it), or whatever 300-pound pansy they put in pads tonight, pray that they can hold a block long enough for Big Ben to actually complete a pass for once, prostrate yourself before the ghost of Art Rooney, I don't know, sacrifice your first-born. Do what you have to do to ensure a Steeler victory tonight, and let's take back this fucking country!!!