Joe ... Joe ... say it ain't so. Tell me it's yet another conspiracy of the extremist, left-wing media. Tell me it's a hideous plot by that crypto-Communist Hussein Obama. Tell me anything, Joe! Anything! I just don't care!First, they're telling me that your name isn't even Joe. How can this be, Joe? You are a true, red-blooded American willing to stand up to that Socialist and call him a LIAR to his face!!! And now those damned liberals are saying that you're lying about your own name?!!!
I gotta find out that Charles Bronson's real last name is Buchinsky? And that Chuck Norris's first name is actually Carlos?! You think he's really Mexkin?! You think Huckabee knows?
John Wayne was named Marion. Pete DuPont's actually named Pierre. And Joe the Plumber's Samuel?
And you? You?
You ain't no "Joe," at all. You're a Addison Graves. What kind of name is that?
It's like ... it's like all my American heroes ain't what they say they are. It's like they've all lied to me. It's like finding out that Joe Six-Pack drinks Amstel Friggin' Light!!!
But that ain't even the worst part, JOE!
See, ya gotta understand, my wife and I, we were listening to that socialist ni-Nazi, Hussein, speaking the other night, sick to our stomachs, afraid that our country was lost to his socialist agenda, when you finally spoke up. Telling him where he could put all that government control! Lying, lying to us about all those illegal immigrants and black reparations he's gonna get with his "universal health care"!
When you said those two magical words--"YOU LIE!!!"--we stood up and cheered, we hooted and hollered, we stood up, put our hands to our hearts, and pledged our allegiance to our American flag T-shirts! We finally felt that here was a true patriot standing up for REAL AMERICANS like me and my wife.
But you weren't standing up for us at all, Addison, were you? According to these conniving liberals, you were standing up for the health care professionals, who have given you almost a quarter of a million dollars in campaign contributions! Then these evil left-wing radical sumbitches are saying you also got "$86,150 from pharmaceutical companies, $73,050 from insurance companies and $68,000 from hospitals and nursing homes."
God, I hope this ain't true! I hope this is another one of their evil conspiracies to rule the world--like fluoride in the water and the polio vaccine! They can't be tellin' the truth, Addison. THEY JUST CAN'T!!!
It can't be that Rush, Glenn, and Sean are our only hope!
If so, I fear America is TRULY DOOMED!!!!
UPDATE: Sue, over at What Got Me Going Today posted this article over at Newsweek about Shoeless Addison's health care hypocrisy. Apparently, this staunch defender against socialized medicine and military veteran is also the beneficiary of the Department of Defense's single-payer, government-run health care system, TRICARE. But wait! It gets better. The Mad Adder has also voted against health care for veterans 11 times in eight years. Then in July, the schizoid offered an amendment exempting TRICARE from any employer mandates in any of the health care bills, saying (you'll love this), "As a 31-year Army Guard and Reserve veteran, I know the importance of TRICARE. The number of individuals who choose to enroll in TRICARE continues to rise because TRICARE is a low cost, comprehensive health plan that is portable and available in some form world-wide"; that TRICARE offers "world class health care"; and that "I am grateful to have four sons now serving in the military, and I know that their families appreciate the availability of TRICARE."
No matter what happens with this health care reform debacle, I pray to God that TRICARE remains untouched and that there's some government mandate to get Joe back on his meds.
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